Throwing it out there

About a month ago, I was overcome by the Holy Spirit. In a small group I joined at Pete's church that evening, I asked for prayer. I said I was lost. I threw out that I was no longer the strong Catholic I was in college and in high school. My faith was a memory, and for some odd reason, I can never feel it anymore. The girls prayed around me. A couple of youth leaders and a bunch of teenagers. I stopped worrying at that moment. I cleared my mind. I opened my heart to strangers. And I fell.

I have yet to feel that sensation since that day. Nothing was retained from that day. I want that faith back. Has having the feeling of being disconnected from a faith community brought me down? I used to be happy. I used to be happy all the time. When a priest spoke at mass, I listened. I soaked in what he was trying to say. Now, my mind wanders. I'm listening to the words but not the meaning. What has happened that I can't open up? I don't feel anything at church anymore, and to be honest, it scares me. I don't want it to be like that, and I know what I need to do.

I know prayer is the solution, but lately, when I do it, it's just words. I feel nothing. I don't feel relieved. I don't feel a connection. The cries for help are coming from my head instead of from my heart, and I don't know how to change that.

So God, since my words of desperation are coming from my head, I'm writing them down for you to hear. I need help. I need guidance. Hopefully, you can leave a comment.